Dangerous Prayers

You know those days that start off beautifully...literally beginning the morning exclaiming, "Good morning, Jesus!" followed by a whole laundry list of things you're thankful for, most of all who God is and always has been? And isn't it amazing how a matter of hours can shatter that whole mood and grateful heart?

Yeah.

This morning was that morning; and this afternoon was just that very afternoon. The day began with the above scenario. I prayed my whole commute, thanking God for loads of things, people, opportunities. I prayed scripture verses, thanked Him for who He is and that his plan is to prosper me and not to harm me, etc, etc, etc. I prayed for pastors, friends both saved and not yet saved, countries, and the list goes on. Then I get a phone call that just does me in. And the downward spiral of events continued from then on out.

I told the Lord this morning that my faith in Him was based on who He is, not what he does or can do for me.

Big mistake. :)

I should have anticipated that only hours after that a whole onslaught of events would transpire to test that very statement, that very truth in my life--testing to see if it was another empty utterance. And maybe it was. Because right now I'm not super happy with the One whom I was praising not that long ago.

The worst thing about being human is the inability to foresee events. At least, that's my opinion. Abraham had to lead his only son up a hill to sacrifice him not knowing if there would be any provision in place of Isaac. He couldn't see the ram on the other side of his circumstance. And neither can we. Or at least I can't. I have faith enough for my friends' lives, but when it comes to my own life and whether or not God truly has it out for me or will work things out for my best, it's questionable.

When it comes down to it, this is all my fault. If I hadn't prayed that silly prayer, this would never have happened. :)

But in all seriousness, dangerous prayers are exactly what we need to pray if our desire is to truly and more deeply know the character of God for who He is, not what we perceive or desire him to be. And that is what I really want, though I flinch when he begins the process of letting me in on all of it.

So while most of the time my faith does rest in his works, his providence, that is not what I want. I want my faith to be based in "God is God and I am not," and all the other attributes that are so far beyond my understanding that, in moments of revelation, put to rest any and all possible fears that He has my best in mind. Of course He does; he gave His only son so that he could be with me. What else do I need to know?

Unfortunately, more.

I await the day when my fickle, finite nature is exchanged for one of faithfulness and understanding. In the meantime, I'll keep inching my way toward the One in whom I know deep down I can always trust, who does indeed have the best for my life, which often looks nothing like what I had planned. Probably why it's the best.